Christmas Check-in

It's been a really busy season. I started the month thinking that I'd have so much time to get my shopping done, presents wrapped, maybe even make some Christmas candy and homemade presents. 

This is not to be the case. 

But I've put up a tree, burned some Christmas candles, played some carols, and spent a lot of time thinking about "the reason for the season". It's no secret that this year has been a struggle for me, especially the last few weeks. A few weeks ago I came to a breaking point, and I needed to make a decision about something big. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn't brave enough to do it. So I finally prayed about it. And got the opposite answer. But I knew that I'd have to change my plan. So I did. 

Since then, things have been getting better. Not a complete 180, but we're coming up on maybe a 75 degree turnaround. Things still aren't where I want them, and the handmade gifts might not get finished until March, but I keep remembering where my inspiration came from, and I feel better about it all. 

Luke and I went to see the Christmas show at Temple Square tonight. Getting there was stressful, and I almost wanted to just turn around and head back home. But we made it, and it was just what I needed. I feel less concerned with the busyness of the holiday, much more in tune for the reason for the celebrating. 

So what if I don't end up making 5 different kinds of homemade chocolates? Its really okay that I didn't get everyone on my list three perfect presents and wrapped them in co-ordinating paper with hand-tied bows. I'll be spending my holidays with family and giving thanks to Him as often and as best as I can. 

Sunday Confessions: Blogging for Me

Blogging has changed a lot since I first started writing here a looooong time ago. It used to be something that people did for fun, to keep their friends and families updated on their lives. Personal blogs used to be really big, and I loved being able to keep up with my friends and whatever they were doing. 

Then things changed.

Blogging turned into something people could make money at. Soon, instead of fun, personal posts, bloggers were writing about crafts and recipes and anything else that appealed to a wider market. Then they started hosting ads on their pages. Next came sponsored posts. And now, we are where we are. People are blogging for money, and taking high profile sponsors. Every post had to be Pinterest worthy and appeal to everyone.

And I don't like it. 

I used to love writing about the random things that happened to me. I wrote honestly about my life. So when the era of big bloggers started, I thought I'd try my hand at it. I wrote a post or two that maybe could have been popular. But I didn't like how it felt. I wasn't saying things that I really thought, I was saying things that I hoped people would like. I wasn't being true to who I was. 

So I'm changing it. 

I've started doing monthly recap blogs because I like to. Sure, I was inspired by some popular bloggers, but I genuinely like looking back through the past 4 weeks and remembering the adventures I had. I've written about goals I've set, because that's something important to me. I want to start writing blog posts about dream vacations, short stories, and just random things because that is what I find interesting. That's what I like writing about, and I don't care if it makes me popular or not.

And I don't expect it to change. 

It's clear that blogging is now it's own beast, and that there's no way to control it. I don't expect to change the world of blogging with my little stand. I'm going to keep writing for me because it's how I want to grow as a writer, not because I want a thousand followers or to become popular on Pinterest. I just want to be a better writer. And when I start listening to me, and stop writing for other people, that's when I write the best. 

A Gloomy Tuesday

I woke up with a bit of a cold today. Then, it was cloudy, a bit windy, and much cooler than it has been {even for October}. Work has slowed down a bit, and there's a pile of laundry to do. Today has been a bit gloomy.

Too bad I'm not living in London. Most days in London are overcast, so it would just be a regular day. I could sit by the window and drink mug after mug of tea and eat Scottish shortbread. I could go out on a walk in one of the many parks and crunch leaves under my feet. Afterwards I could come back to my flat, have a hot bath, and watch the BBC. 

Why does everything, even being cold and sick, seem more glamorous in London? 

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Dreams

I am really bad at remembering this. Usually when I start a project, if I don't see immediate results, I stop. Simple as that. But some things take longer than others. Giving up only cheats me out of something great that I could've had if I'd just stuck it out a bit longer. I've been working on motivating myself and trying to be better at getting things done. While I've still go a ways to go, I am learning that since time doesn't stop, I shouldn't either. 

P.S. Earl Nightingale was a motivational speaker and a radio broadcaster from 1956-1989. 

Book: Looking for Anne of Green Gables

I've been trying to read more non-fiction lately, so I was pleasantly surprised when I stumbled across this book at the library. 

This is a book about the famous author L. M. Montgomery, author of Anne of Green Gables, Emily of New Moon, and countless short stories. A Canadian icon, I loved learning more about the author and her beloved heroine. 

The book starts out detailing Montgomery's young life. The author outlines unique situations that would have gone on to inspire the character of Anne. As the book progresses, more interesting facts come to light, including the identity of the model who inspired Anne's red hair, and snippets from Montgomery's journals as she grew up and began work on the novel. 

My favourite aspect of this book is discovering how much Montgomery drew on her own life experiences to shape the character of Anne, and in some instances, Diana. It makes me feel drawn to Anne even more, and closer to Montgomery. 

I highly recommend this book to Anne fans of all varieties. Keep in mind that it is non-fiction, and it may seem a bit dry to some readers. It is an easy read, and even includes photos of Montgomery, her family, and other important ephemera. It's a fascinating book, and worth the time and effort you put into it. 

Book: The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing

A few weeks ago, I finished reading The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing. 

It was a quick read, making it a good summertime book. As it opened, I was caught up in the world of a young girl who is sad about losing her childhood vacation home {it also might have been their real home, it was hard to follow along}. As the book went on, I found myself more and more interested in the life of the heroine. 

However, halfway through, things went a bit...off. There was randomly one chapter about nothing in particular. After that, the main character started doing things that didn't seem true to her character. It got really boring watching her make terrible choices, and the book stopped moving forward. Finally, the last chapter seemed to provide a sense of completion, of a satisfying ending. And yet, nope. I found the ending to be jarring, and there was no true ending, or satisfaction of endings wrapped up. 

Some people might say that it's like life; there isn't always closure, and people make bad decisions. But I felt like the ending didn't match the story that had been established. Overall, I wouldn't really recommend it. I found it on several reading lists on Pinterest, so clearly some people think it's worth reading. If you find it at the library, sure, check it out and bring it to read by the pool. But don't feel like you need to go search it out. 

Book: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

A few years ago, this book {and subsequent movie} was extremely popular. At the time, I was around 8 years old, much to young for the demographic the book was aimed for. Now, many years later, I read it without all the excitement and hubbub, and I'm glad it worked out that way; there was nothing to influence me before I read it, or sway my opinion afterwards. 

I watched the movie a few months ago, because I was curious. I'd even forgotten that it was a book. From there, I figured I might as well read it. So I did. 

I loved reading this book. I dove right in, and loved everything about it. The writing style is descriptive without being flowery, the characters are developed and interesting, and the setting is somewhere I'm not familiar with {the South, years 1920-1990ish}. Some of the minor characters tended to blend together for me, but for the most part, each character stood on their own. 

What appealed to me the most was the themes of love, friendship, and female connection that ran throughout the novel. Perhaps it's because most of my female friends have moved all over the world that I connect so strongly with a novel about having your closest friends around you. I would love it if all my closest friends lived within blocks of me, and we could get together on a whim. Unfortunately, that's not the case. So I lived vicariously through the characters in the novel. 

After I finished reading, I looked up some reviews online. While there were some positive reviews, there were many negative ones. Reasons ranged from dislike for "chick-lit" to anger over issues of alcoholism and child abuse. Yes, this is a serious read. I don''t enjoy reading about child abuse {I can't think of anyone who does}, I recognize that life is complicated and not everyone has perfect, loving parents. 

Overall, I would recommend this book. Be aware that it's not all rainbows and sunshine. It is a book about women who are trying to figure out who they are. It is a book about friendship, love, and family ties.

The Bees in my Brain

My thoughts are like bees. Each one is fat and slow, and makes a little buzzing noise. Mostly they just float around the garden of my brain, rarely being a bother. But every once in a while, something happens, and they get stirred up, and start buzzing louder and coming closer, and then I actually have to stop and look at them. Once I start looking, I can't stop. I watch them go around and around, coming close to me all the time. I don't get stung very often, but when I do, the thought stays with me for a long while. 

The bees don't like it when you try to organize them. They don't line up nice and neat. And they all want your attention all the time. When you start focusing on just one, the rest fly in and try to take over. The only way to take care of them is to write down what they're trying to tell me. From there, oh, anything can happen. 

Other Fall Things I Love

Like I said, here's a post about other autumn things I love. 

1. Cozy blankets...

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2.  Cozy fall clothes 

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3. More fall clothes 

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4. Pumpkin Steamer 

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Crafty

My favourite mother-in-law got me a sewing machine for my birthday. It's nothing fancy, but I'm not a fancy seamstress, so it works out well. It can make some cute stitches though, and we had fun testing it out. 

So now that I have one, I'll probably do a bit more crafting. I've always been a crafty person, but I haven't been into it as much as I wish I was. Probably because craft supplies take up space, and I don't usually have a lot of space for supplies. Now, though, I have an excuse! 

This means that I might start sharing my projects here, online. Probably not to a huge extent. I'm not going to become a crafty blog. But I like having a space where I can proudly show off the things I make. 

I bought fabric so I can make a little pillow. We'll see how it goes, considering I've had the materials since Wednesday, and haven't done a thing with them. 

Happy Monday!

There's some more work to be done before this place really starts to feel like home. I'm trying to muster up some energy. I wish I had Loralei to sing me songs. 

And then I found this. And it is awesome. One of my favourite scenes. Really. 

Moving Past

For the past....too long to count, I've felt like I'm just flailing around. I've had no purpose, no drive, nothing to work towards.  Sure, from time to time I'll make a little progress; I'll decide to take up running, or start a project that I really enjoy. But those things aren't helping me move forward with my life. Sure, it may stretch me in some small new way, but really, it's not helping me move on. 


Yesterday, I think things might have changed a little. 


We signed a contract for a new house. It's a step up, for sure. Not that we're living in squalor, but it's a small studio apartment, far from campus and our friends. Now, though, we'll be able to walk to campus, to some of our favourite restaurants, to see our friends, even to the grocery store. We will be back in a neighbourhood with people similar in age and our stage in life. Plus, this place has a dishwasher, a laundry system, multiple rooms, and lots of storage options. 


And then, we got tickets for the Vans Warped Tour. It kicks off in SLC in June, and we're going! I've wanted to go for years. It's a huge step out of my comfort zone, but it feels like the right step.  As a bonus, my favourite band is headlining the show {I don't know if bands really 'headline' at Warped, but that's what I'm telling myself}. 


I'm feeling much better about my life. I'm moving forward, I have things to look forward to, things to plan for. I won't be stuck here forever. Things may not be perfect, but they're moving in the way I want them to. I can't really ask for more than that. 

I Always...

... toss and turn for an hour before I fall asleep. 


... stick with my shower routine {wash hair, wash face, condition, shave, wash self, wash out conditioner, stand under hot water until it runs out}


... check too many books out of the library, don't finish reading them all, and end up renewing them until I can't anymore. Then they end up overdue. 


...wait too long to do laundry. I come up with some creative outfits on laundry day, let me tell you. 


...love a good cupcake. 


...wear what I think looks good, whether or not other people do. 


...giggle at this.

Sunday Bits

Made: Roasted red pepper pasta
          Took forever to make.  But turned out really well. Husband liked it, too. I found it on Pinterest. Usually when I make something I find, it doesn't work. This time, huzzah! 


Experienced: Nursery, for the 4th week in a row
          It's a good thing some of those kids are so cute. That's all I have to say. 


Created: Dr. Pepper italian soda
          Cup of ice. Dr. Pepper. Half and half. Divine. 


Excited: Sale at Michaels
          I'm scrapbooking my London experience. I ran of out paper. Tomorrow it goes on sale.  I feel like an old lady, watching for sales. But I needs my paper, dangit! 

Books: Bossypants, Pink Think, and More

My writing has been suffering. I haven't created anything new in months. They teach you that in order to be a good writer, you need to be a good reader. So I took it to heart. 

I read Bossypants, Tina Fey's first book. It was clever and engaging. It told of her struggles and how she really had to work to get to where she is today. I loved it. It was funny. She told things as they really are. She was open and honest. She was inappropriate in hilarious ways. I highly recommend it. 

I read Pink Think, a text book of sorts, which took a look at how the standards for a "proper woman" were created through culture from 1930-1970ish, and how that has affected us today.  The essence of the books was what "pink think" was - the impossible standards that were set before women; clean the house in pearls and heels, don't make conversation with your husband (it bores him), motherhood is the height of a woman's sexuality and the only way to realize your womanhood, domesticity is where it's at, etc. 

The book was eye opening, without condemning women who believed that pink products would make her more ladylike, or mocking the culture that created the unobtainable stereotype. Again, a highly recommended read. 



I read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns), written by Mindy Kaling, writer of my favourite show The Office. An easy read, I polished it off after dinner tonight. Entertaining, engaging, Mindy comes off as someone instantly relatable. I feel as though I ought to have more intelligent things to say about it. But it was a lighthearted read. I could tell she had fun writing it. And getting a little insight into the life of a TV writer is very interesting. 

Fun fact: Mindy and I have the same computer. And love of cupcakes. 



I feel as though I should close with some witty statement in order to wrap up this almost-book review. How about I say this: I miss having elementary and high school reading assignments. I miss the easy book report. I miss reading something challenging, then having a teacher explain what it really means. I've forgotten how good it feels to finally understand what "allegory" means and then to see it written and have a new meaning to a favourite book. I miss being the only one not grossed out by the ending of The Grapes of Wrath, because I saw the deeper meaning. 

Reading is more than just a pastime for me. 

Need

Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life for other people. I want to live an authentic life. 

I want to get back to my resolutions at the start of the year. 

I need to take more pictures and write more personally. I need to record. 

I have found passions. I need to act on those. 

I need to create. To write. To read. 

I need to learn.

I need to live. 

Funny Thing of the Day

I found out that nothing motivates me more than watching The Office. Earlier this afternoon, I was laying around, eating cake, and blog stalking. Finally, I decided that I wanted to get at least something done. So I turned on reruns. And lo and behold, the bedroom got cleaned up, dusting happened, the dishes got put away, and, well, that's about it, really. 


Not so funny, I really like sitting on my bed this time of day. The light comes in through the window, and it's bright and happy. I'm usually not an afternoon person, but it's so awesome that's it's almost 5:30, and the sun still has about 40 minutes left before it goes behind the mountain. Life is good. 

Google Gulag

Google creeps me out lately. It's probably my own fault, since I voluntarily use Google Chrome (but I can't be blamed...it's so much faster and easier to use). 


However. Constantly seeing ads from websites I've been to makes me feel weird. It's even worse when it shows me the products I was just looking at. 


I also feel it's not effective. If I didn't actually buy what I was looking at, and/or if I did, shouldn't it be showing me something different? 


Plus, they changed their privacy policy. It was too technical to actually figure out. So I really have no idea how that relates to anything else. 


Finally, probably more posts this week. I'm feeling narcissistic. 

A New Look

So I decided something. I needed a new look for my blog. The other one, the one with London on it, was really great. But I started feeling like it was too much white space. It was too blank. Now I've got this one. I'm hoping that by changing the look, it'll spark more creativity, and I'll be more inclined to write here. And they will be more uplifting than my last few posts.

Weigh in, friends. How's it look?

The One where Ash Redacts

Yesterday I posted a snarky comment. Well, maybe a few. As it turns out, the phrase "icing sugar" is a Canadian-ism for powdered sugar, or confectioners sugar. After talking with several friends, my husband, and my sister-in-law, it turns out that I'm the ridiculous one.


My apologies.


P.S. I don't redact my comments on the other comments. I still think those are silly.