Update from the North

I'm back in Canada now. Hooray! Except that for the entire time I've been home the weather has been nasty. It makes me miss the sunny Provo weather (the only thing I do miss, by the way. Oh, and friends. I miss those too). 

This was supposed to be a blog about all the crazy things I've been up to since I've been home. But I'm still on the job hunt, I haven't hung out with a lot of people yet, and basically all I do is sleep in, and wander around the house. Okay, so it's not that bad. I went to have dinner with my grandparents. And my sibs and I played rockband the other night. I've had some really good conversations with friends. And I got to watch GLEE last night. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good. Even if it is pouring outside. 

One Thousand Words

Or whenever I go on a roadtrip. 

I'm doing okay, just so you know. 

100 Thoughts and my Melancholy

Well dear friends, this is it. Post 100. And on my last day of senior year. Strange how times goes by. Almost a year ago, I started this blog. Now, 365-ish days later, I find myself at the end of another school year, in a very different place in my life. I won't lie to you and say that I love where I'm at. There are things about me, and about my situation that I don't particularly care for. But that's not to say that I'm not enjoying it. This is the only time in my life where in the morning I can go to class/work and be all adult-like, and at night dress up like a pirate and take over campus. I can have that perfect mix of the adult life, and being carefree. Well, some of the time.

I'm packing up, and getting ready to move home. For the first time since my freshman year, I will be living at home for all four months of summer break. I'm so excited to see my family. But it's going to be an interesting change. I've been living on my own for the past two years. I hope I can adjust to living with people again.

New adventures, new friends to make. I like that idea, and at the same time, I'm scared to let go of what I have. I've survived everything so far, right? I mean, I was able to part with London. If I can do that, I can do anything.

Living in my Letter

Dear Self,

No, you may not have peanut butter M&Ms and chocolate milk for breakfast. I don't care if it's finals. A diet like that will make you balloon into a million pounds. People will look at you and go, "there goes that FAT girl". For Halloween you could put a sheet over your head and go as one of the Andes mountains. NOT ALLOWED to happen!

Now, either go make a healthy breakfast, or get back to working on your paper.


Your Self.

End of the Year Update

Currently trying to study for finals. It's not going so well, since there are so many other things I'd rather be doing.

This torturous school will be over soon. Then HOME.

1/5 finals done. Ack.

Picasso vs. My Personality

How personal is too personal? I mean, it's a blog, right? It's supposed to be narcissistic and completely focused on my life. But there are things that I don't want to share with just anyone. I mean, I put it up here, and with the right combination of search words, people halfway around the world could read this. Again, I ask, how much is too much?

There are thoughts in my head that I just want to scream out, and then I'll  never have to think about them again. Then there are other thoughts that I want to sift through methodically, one at a time, no interruptions. There are some that hurt too much to even think, let alone talk about. I once thought that typing them out, then never reading them again would be the answer. Wrong. Then they're there forever, almost haunting in the way they linger.

It's these thoughts that keep me from falling into the depths of despair while simultaneously pushing me further and further towards the brink of self-implosion. If I sound like a mess, it's because I am. I feel like a Picasso painting. A portrait of something common, then distorted with askew angles and arms in bizarre locations, painted in primary colours, juxtaposing the simple palate with the complex shapes.

This wasn't supposed to be it.

I Must've Done Something Good

So, I've decided that I must be doing something right in my life. Trials are coming at me from all directions. Sometimes it almost seems like too much for one person to handle.

 But I know these trials will be just for a small moment. And I don't have to go through them alone. Christ is with me always. And I'm pretty sure he's been carrying me for far longer than I realize.

My World's on Fire, How 'Bout Yours?

Crazy day, crazy week, crazy month. 

Finals and finances and packing, oh my! 

To those people close to me, thank you for putting up with me. You all rock. 

EDIT: This was originally posted in this font. But it looks silly. So I had to fix it. 

The Future

I have a new life plan. Want to hear it? Good.

1. Buy an island.
2. Move to it.
3. Live out my days in peace.
4. Die.

Any questions?

One Thousand Words

I finally found one that meant something to me. I won't go into the reasons why. This secret is beautiful. 

Silent Streets

I'm standing in the middle of the road
with nothing but silence around me.
I shut my eyes, and I can hear
a car sputtering for life a few streets away.
I hear two voices, soft, a boy and a
girl probably, because there is spontaneous

I listen harder, and I begin to hear the sounds of the city.
More cars,
More people,
Horns honking,
Music is coming from somewhere.
But my street is quiet and deserted, so
I stay standing in the middle.

I'm afraid though. If
I stay here too long, and
become accustomed to the silence,
will I notice the sound of an
on-coming car?